My husband is back from his trip. It's wonderful, he got back just in time. I had pretty much exhausted my ability to be aroused by internet porn and I got a note from my vibrator asking for a sabbatical.
He tells me he did such a good job on this trip, they are rewarding him with a three week version in March. EXCELLENT. He's very worried about me because I lost weight and got sick while he was gone. In his heart he knows that he married me because he needs someone to take care of. I try to tell him that even though I'll miss him, I will be completely fine. He doesn't believe me and he probably shouldn't. I AM fine while he's gone...but I forget to eat, I don't really sleep and I drink too much. I do all of those things when he's here as well, but on a different scale. It hurts me very deeply that he has to worry about me this way. It hurts me even more that he honestly doesn't believe I could live without him. I don't think he sees the difference between not being able to do something and really not wanting to do something.
I wish I were a better stronger person. I wish I knew how to determine whether I'm moving in the right direction. I guess I just have to trust that as long as I'm examining myself, I'm improving. I think I'm going to have to start ordering home delivery porn. I also need batteries.
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