I have tried to use this blog as a way to do this, but I don't think therapeutic blogging is really for me - after all I can't even bring myself to post my name or tell anyone I know the name of the site. It's actually kind of pathetic. I tell people I have a blog and then tell them it's anonymous so that they will search for it. If I wasn't such an ardent self-loather I would call myself a narcissist. Sadly, I don't think anyone actually wants to read what I write. I think it's because I'm completely self-deprecating at all times and probably seem so utterly ridiculous that people think I couldn't possibly have anything to say. I'm ridiculous.
I'm not sure whether the notebook is a good idea or a really really bad one. I guess we'll see. I just don't want to feel like I need to wear a caftan to the lake and/or start starving myself again. I am already kind of starving myself - that doesn't even make any sense. Starving yourself HAS to be all or nothing, you can't "kind of" starve. I guess I could more accurately say that I'm thinking a lot about starving myself. I am getting to the point that I'm pretty sure it would help. I think if I could get all this negative out, then I might not feel so full all the time. I might feel hungry for things that will actually sustain me instead of consuming me. I hope this new idea won't cause me to consume myself even faster. I suppose if I can't feel good about how I look in a bikini, at least everyone else can enjoy it.
